“Orgasms – everywhere, except my bedroom”

Orgasms – everywhere in the world of sex, except my bedroom. I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about sex. I had sex ed classes at school, but they were more like basic biology and times to giggle. And so, like many people, my sex education has stemmed from friends and TV/films. Cue, a very inaccurate view of what happens, how it feels, and how ‘perfect’ it can be. I’m 24, and as far as I know I’ve not yet had an orgasm. And I’ve spent years thinking there’s something wrong with me. I just assumed guys knew what they were doing, so if I couldn’t reach it then that was something I wasn’t doing right.But, do you know what, some women never orgasm, some only achieve it alone, and most who do get to orgasm do so through foreplay or oral sex not penetration. Sex for most of us most of the time isn’t clean and easy and wonderful every second; neither is it as filthy and exotic as porn would have you believe (yes, I’m a woman and I watch porn sometimes). For some of us it one of these two extremes, but for many of it’s a clumsy activity where one sock gets left on or you have to awkwardly ask how the hell his belt buckle works, or pets/parents/housemates interrupt. Real life sex isn’t edit, you don’t get to pick the best shots, and it’s not all orgasms and screaming. Now I know this, I no longer put pressure on myself or have this expectation that ‘maybe next time’ I’ll get there. Now, I focus on enjoying sex for what it is, whether a romantic meeting of souls or a bit of fun after a couple of drinks. And if I’m not enjoying it as much as he seems to be then it’s time to take control and give him the best sex education class he’ll ever have. Sex should be enjoyable, and the sooner men and women stop learning from porn and TV and start learning by communicating and sharing experiences, the more enjoyable it will be for everyone.

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