“He doesn’t know”

Trigger Warning: rape

 

Today at work I served my rapist, he wasn’t aware that what he did when I was 11 was rape, or that it still puts a lump in my throat at the thought of sex, but it does. He doesn’t know how I self harmed for years, convincing people I’d been clumsy hiding it away, but I did. He didn’t even know how scared or sick I felt taking his order as though he was a customer I’d never met, smiling at him as I said goodbye. But I did, and to be honest I still do, because even though he may feel it was fair play because I hid in his room during a game of hide and seek and I never shouted no, or pushed him away, and because I never reported it for fear of being shouted at by my parents, it was rape.


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