“I do consider ending my life”

**Trigger Warning: talk of suicide**

I would not say i have depression or that i have a mental health issue. However i do have several thoughts a day on whether or not i should kill my self to save my self from pain and anguish and general deflation of the world around me. I do not feel like tablets would help and i do not think that counselling would either. I know what triggers my daily HUMPF as i call it, it was the loss of so many people in my life to suicide. Instead of having this loss take over and having this deflation demotivate me i just carry on, i do not know if this will cause more damage or not but i know i have days where i do not contemplate suicide, i know i never would but i do consider ending my life quite frequently. there is an ache inside my tummy and my heart that causes all this and i know that there will never be a resolution for it. The thing that stops me most from doing said act is that i would never want anyone to feel the pain that i do each day from loosing people to suicide. I also see that there are things in the world that need to be changed and fixed and i often wonder who else will do it. Then a simple thought in my head when wanting to leave this world is, who will look after my dog ? and love her as much as i do. I really do not think anyone could love her as much as i and this simple act of kindness to another living thing stops me.


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