“Dear everyone in the grief club”

The first time I lost someone close to me it was like stepping into an alternate universe, and it took several months before I slid slowly back into the right one. This time it’s felt much more like depression. My whole head is fuzzy, I can barely remember two things at once. I am grumpy, I wake up way too early. I don’t eat, because trying to decide between soup and spaghetti is too difficult. And the rare moments where I let myself relax the only thing I feel is an overwhelming desire to cry. But this is okay! I know how to do depression, I’ve been here before. Go outside, put my hood up and scowl so nobody will speak to me, get to the gym and swim or lift weights until everything hurts, then stretch it out. If I can’t do anything else, don’t beat myself up for spending 8 hours on netflix. Just try not to do it again tomorrow. Cancel all the crap I don’t need to deal with and spend some of that time going to see someone I love. Make good food for friends. It makes me feel purposeful. I know grief is not an illness, no matter how it feels. But I learned to cope the same way, and next time the depression gets bad, I can take the same lessons grief taught me and make them relevant. Dear everyone in the grief club (and it really is everyone), be kind to yourself. Let yourself heal. The real world will still be there when you get back.

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