“Lesbian sex: Everything to put everywhere!”

When people ask the question “How do you (lesbians) have sex?” it’s upsetting, annoying, frustrating because it suggests that you’re one more person who’s ingrained with the idea that two women can’t have sex; that it’s not real. This is a very personal question that no one would ever think about asking a couple involving a man. It stems from the idea that to have sex must involve a penis. Being asked this question also gets boring because to lesbians it’s just real life, just like everyone else’s sex lives is their real and personal life!


When I came out to some friends in school, they asked how did I know I was a lesbian, how did I know that I’d enjoy ‘it’ if I’d never kissed or had sex with a woman before. I replied “Well, how do you know, when you’re twelve years old and you’ve never kissed or had sex with someone of the opposite sex that you’re going to enjoy that and that it’s right for you!” They didn’t have an answer to that so I guess mine was a pretty good one. But their question reiterates the idea the homosexuality is linked only to sexual relations. They had completely by-passed the thought that I might also be attracted to women emotionally as well as physically. That by being a lesbian would mean that I wanted to partake in, and would enjoy, relationships with women, which means everything that the word relationship embodies.

And since when did your lesbian friends’ sex lives become your business anyway? Sexuality is no one else’s business but their own.


‘How do you do it?’ This question came from friends and strangers who found the whole idea rather bemusing. When I was talking at school with a classmate about lesbian sex, he suggested that “There’s nothing to put nowhere.” I just laughed it off, but the idea that sex must involve a penis is damaging and can lead to extreme thoughts such as ‘corrective rape’. (That lesbians just need to have sex with a man, be it forced or not, to ‘show’ them that wanting sex with a man is the only and best way to be). This whole idea is forged from patriarchy. I think that I can speak for the vast majority of lesbians in saying that the patriarchal institution is not one we want to be a part of. So this includes solid ideas of sex and what sex is. I rejoice in the fact that sex between two women actively asks for exploration, sensitivity, time, imagination in the bedroom. With the use of fingers, toys, tongues, role-play and any body part that two consenting adults wish to use to arouse their partner, lesbian sex involves two people sexually stimulating each others’ bodies to, or not to, the point of orgasm.


There’s nothing to put nowhere? On the contrary; there’s everything to put anywhere!

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